suicide in paradise

 I came to Key West to escape from the area I was born in--Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Pennsylvania -- which holds the title of the most depressed city in the United States.

Now I read an article saying the Florida Keys has double the suicide rate of the rest of the state.

Out of the frying pan and into the fire?

Holy cannoli more information needed here.



There does seem to be a disproportionate number of suicides down here.

But we're in paradise.

WHY AREN'T YOU HAPPY???

Maybe it's the pressure to be happy that kicks depressed people when we are down.

And people do come here specifically to kill themselves.

It's the end of the road. Heavy symbolic meaning. When we are suicidal we think in heavy symbolic even theatrical terms. The frenzy of the always changing tourist population is a fine destraction from what's really going on. Do the Duval crawl...crawl right into your grave if that's your pleasure.

I've been suicidal. Seriously suicidal. I didn't do it for a couple reasons. Mostly my family. I see how suicide wrenches a family apart, rips the fragile threads, leaves a gaping wound. No, I wouldn't do that to my family.

Also I realized killing yourself over financial distress is just tacky. Better to learn how to live in poverty and still find joy. Lower your expectations.

My expectations of myself are at an all-time low. I deliberately made it that way. Fashioned a life where if I check out I really won't be missed cuz I was just taking up space anyway.

I used to think I wanted to do something that mattered before I died. Now I realize simply staying alive when you jump from the frying pan into the fire is goal enough.

for today. For the suicides I've known and loved and lost. goddammit keep yourself alive. just keep yourself alive. that's enough. when you get that far lost on the edge of nothingness just keeping on is enough. seriously. we'll work on the rest of it tomorrow.

Keep yourself alive