My Black Friend (Us white folk always have ONE to show how not prejudiced we are)

I hate writing this. Cuz I'm afraid of stepping on toes. Being insensitive. Using humor as a screen for hurt.

But I do have ONE black friend. And that bothers me.

I live in a city that has One Human Family as its motto. We generally get along. But we don't always get together.

My friend is from NYC. Educated. Outgoing. Deeply spiritual. A lover of cats. I love her. I'd be her friend even if she wasn't black.

But I love that she's black. I love her dark curls and dreads. I love her island style. I love the warmth and humor she emanates. She's a writer, a good one. She inspires me. Gives me a glimpse of a slightly different world.

I've wanted to explore different worlds as long as I can remember. I loved Madeleine and the Little Princess ... Jonathan Livingston Seagull...

I don't want her to be a symbol. Something I keep in my left pocket to take out and wave to prove I'm not like those other white people. Yet...

why don't I have other black friends? Well, I don't have many friends in general. I'm not outgoing. I'm very shy. I'm very afraid. If I try to befriend a black person, will they think I'm only being friendly cuz they are black? That's my own hang-up. I need to get over it.

There's so much history...guilt...but really, that's not the stuff I should worry about when all I want is to make a friend. It's ridiculous really.

White people.

LOL I have to laugh at myself when I want to protest, but I'm white and I'm not: clumsy--clueless--a serial killer-- a fan of vanilla spice. Then it hits me. This is what it feels like. To be stereotyped.  All your life. A lesson.