Thursday, November 24, 2016

turkey has a soporific effect WIP

I'm told
heavy headed...headed out

so long and thanks for all the
turkey

but my thoughts are too bitter

my head is too grim.

It's a toxic holiday for me and i like it that way.
the one day
i think about mommy.

cuz it hurts too much

but the dinner was lovely and i thank you all
so much
so much
you have no idea what it means to me
or maybe you do

i could make a case counting out my last dime
buying canned tuna on thanskgiving night
(they're messing with my
ebt i won't get gas tonight)

i try to grab a few bucks after my check cones in
before the penalties drain it dry again.
meaningless now really. sometimes i miscalculate
and have to  wait.

i can wait.
it's what i do

they talk of strong wills and active livs
and lou geregs disease.

i exerted my will
twice
I remember each time.
once I asked to go for a sunday walk not a ride (riding bored me and made me sick to my stomach if I tried to read. I think that's when i developed a narration for my life)

a narrated life is better.

change the lighting in your head add a character who understands.

I was brutally beaten down what a stupid idea.

a few years later I tried singing carols in the car.
shut up. you can't sing
children should be seen and not heard
i was not heard


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